Thoughts around the Holidays

It’s Saturday morning on a chilly December day in the South Bronx. It’s the 7th day of Hannukah and my first time attempting to celebrate it on my own. As some of you may know, I was not raised with religion. I was raised Atheist and to be anti-zionist and boy am I grateful for that! But that also meant that I didn’t have a bat-mitzvah, I didn’t go to temple, and I most definitely didn’t go on a birth right trip. We would celebrate shabbat or other major holidays with family when we were visiting them in Peru. But besides that, it was pretty low key in my household. One year we had a Christmas tree, one year we had a menorah, one year Santa came to the apartment in Inwood! That year was fun but then my parents immediately told me Santa wasn’t real so that was a little bit of a bummer, haha.

I recently purchased a beautiful green a white keffiyeh from an event at The People’s Forum in Manhattan. It was at an event with all Palestinian vendors and I felt happy to be there and to be interacting with like-minded individuals. The People’s Forum has always been a beautiful space for thought provoking discussions and I’ve been following them for a while. I’ve participated in marches and gatherings that they’ve put on over the recent years (since October 7th).

The interesting thing about walking around with a keffiyeh on in NYC is that it can sometimes be a stark difference in terms of how people react or what kind of looks you get. If I’m being more aware of my energy and more sensitive, I can definitely feel hostility or have seen people making a disgusted face at me in some neighborhoods (specifically around Union Square and the Upper East Side). But these people never actually say anything to me. And if they did, what exactly would they say that I couldn’t respond to? They have no idea that I’m Jewish. Or maybe they do and then they have no idea that I don’t give a sh*t about what kind of hurtful things they want to say to me because at the end of the day, anyone who is spewing hatred…that is a reflection of THEM and not of me.

One thing I’ve noticed this year in particular is that I can be a mirror to people and that’s why I trigger them. I have grown in my own self-confidence and I have continued to use my voice unapologetically and with that comes a bit of controversy. My thoughts and perspective is my own and not everyone will agree with that. It would be a pretty boring world if every single person I interacted with had the same views as me. But anyways, what I’m trying to say is that I used to be afraid of how people would react. I used to play small and be extra nice and friendly and accommodating, even if it was at a detriment to myself and my own energetic capacity.

I have tried to pour from an empty cup too many times to count. I have stayed in relationships and friendships that haven’t served me for longer than I’d like to admit. But it was all a learning process and I have no regrets because I wouldn’t be where I am now if not for those experiences. I hope that these words can bring you some comfort during the holidays and during this end of year season of transition. It’s a season of darkness but also a season of light. The duality of that is a really beautiful thing to experience.

I hope that you are taking time for yourself and prioritizing rest and warmth and love, especially self-love. Because as long as you love yourself and have others around you that can uplift and support you, you are going to be alright. You will make it through the low points, and you will come out on the other side even stronger and more resilient and I can’t wait to see that version of you. I can’t wait for what next year has to offer us all. I know it’s going to be beautiful.

Sending so much love,

Tania